Writing something everyday for this Challenge has begun to feel like a report: ‘Today I did such and such step.’ but who am I reporting to? That’s not the point surely. Many of my endeavors in life have subtly been motivated by a painful need to prove myself. But my motivation throughout this ‘challenge’ has been so much about making dance happen for me. I’ve been dancing with keen attention to my body and my feelings. I’m asking questions and listening for answers.
My personal practice is growing and thriving yet writing about it has grown stale; dancing and blogging are after all two separate pursuits. Perhaps I’m anticipating ‘my readers’ boredom or unsure of my purpose in reporting my daily pursuits here. Certainly I’ve felt a pressure to package my day and present it neatly. And I’m not a neat and perfect package, so why do I want to present that facade to the world? Why do I continue to expect ‘perfection’ from myself? I’m not a perfect dancer, writer, or person. I know this. But it seems that I have not yet fully forgiven myself for this.