Day 28 – Hours to Myself

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Today I’m very pleased with myself and thankful to have 4 hours to myself. I still sort of marvel at the fact that I can wake up and decide ‘today I will dance’ and then I do it! I’ve spent far too much time thinking instead of doing, so I still surprise myself with my doings 🙂

By the way, The Mayapuris album rocks for work-outs (believe it or not, I’ve never used it for this before)! I warmed up to the soft yet emotional ‘Ramachandra’ and then I went right into action with ‘Conundrum’

I’m happy with this improv, and I see a new maturity here in my improving

Next, just for fun, here is my ‘Shiva Shiva’ work-out. Join me if you dare 🙂

Finally, I have a few thoughts on my relationship to Bharata Natyam. Sometimes BN feels like a close intimate friend. But suddenly it will feel like it totally belongs to others and I’m laying a dubious claim to it. There are rules about for example dress that I don’t abide by or understand. I wonder if ‘those who know’ would be offended by my casual attire here.

It’s dawning on me that I haven’t trusted my dance-skills. Even if beautiful and good now, I’ve been afraid of loosing it, afraid of not being able to do it anymore. In other words, not a dependable skill. This explains a lot about my discomfort with compliments. I just haven’t known with certainty if I will be able to live up that again. What pressure! I’m not saying I’m free of it, but I do feel a blooming joy when I dance and when I acknowledge my own skills. Why is it so difficult to say ‘yes I’m an excellent dancer’? I simply do not feel comfortable saying such things in any area of my life, and I marvel at most Americans easy way of saying ‘I’m awesome!’ Lord, this proves I’m not American ya’ll!

Hindolam Thillana:

If you watched both the freestyle and the BN, I’m curious to hear your thoughts about it. Personally I feel content after dancing and plan to enjoy the rest of my Sunday now.

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4 responses »

  1. And I just *attempted* to do the Thillana with you..damn. Got the first 30 seconds! Love watching the sense of awareness and the involvement in your eyes as you dance, really shows your maturity as a dancer..:)

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